Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.
via cul de sac crush
Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.
via cul de sac crush
You must take personal responsibility.
You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind,
but you can change yourself.
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When you are transitioning to a new season of life,
the people and situations that no longer fit you will fall away.
~ Mandy Hale
The only hope for humankind is in the transformation of the individual.
As I mentioned in What to Expect, Part 1, while personal transformation, personal awakening is just that, personal, there are some common experiences. Emotional issues, which are often things from our past getting recreated as patterns, reveal themselves so we can break the patterns, clear them out of our way and allow our grander creations to come forth. It’s helpful to see them for their truth and not come to the wrong conclusion. See their gifts!
Emotional issues are linked to change in a couple of ways that I’m aware of. They can be the cause, the impetus behind a desire for change. They also come up in the wake of change as a response.
The latter, first…
When you take a step, when you make a change, doubt, fears, worries and questions can pop up in response to your action. It’s important to remember that this is normal. Everything that isn’t a match to your change, your new creation, your step, needs to come up to be released. They come up as emotional issues, patterns, beliefs. They can’t remain because they are no longer a match to who you are and where you’re going. You’ve changed. Our tendency is to feel all this “bad” stuff come up and then come to the conclusion that we did it wrong, we made a mistake, when in fact, the fact that it’s coming up is a validation, an affirmation that you’re moving forward. Be sure to look at it all through the correct lens.
Looking at your life, your reality…exploring your story…is for the purpose of gaining awareness. When we walk around in life, unconscious, life is just happening to us, buffeting us about. We are reacting, defending, responding. We’re back on our heals and in essence feeling a need to battle life. Choosing to become aware and conscious is part of seeing yourself as the creator of your life. Life not happening to you, but you actively engage it, create it. Asking the questions that get you to insight and wisdom. Using ALL the experiences, even the “bad” ones, as a way to know who you are and who you are not.
While, it’s important to see what the patterns, issues and beliefs are, it’s also important not to over process them. The more we engage them, instead of gleaning wisdom and the clearing and releasing them, the more entrenched they become, the more they dig in. You’ll have to feel into it for yourself, but in my experience, when I’m telling a particular story about my life over and over to everyone I meet, that story, that issue is still active. There is still something to be understood and then let go of…once and for all.
The former, second…
There are many things in life that can nudge (or shove) us into the first steps of our personal awakening — a health challenge, relationship trouble, career issues, just to name a few. Something happens in our life, forcing us to snap out of our regular patterns and life cycles or jolting us out of our stuckness or rut. It causes pain, frustration, anger, some intense feeling, so we’ll pay attention.
Something deep within us is calling for more, encouraging us to step more fully into our truth. The status quo is beginning to chafe. So as sucky as it can feel, all of this serves the purpose to compel us forward, as my mom says, out of our fur-lined rut. Your life is trying to talk to you. First it throws a pebble…then a stone…then a brick…and then things start to get really dicey. (I encourage you to listen well and respond early!)
That’s the good news and the bad news. It’s a pain in the neck until you see the pattern. But having it repeated helps you to see it, so you can finally dissolve and resolve the pattern!
Processing, exploring, releasing and clearing….these are all ways to get started, but ultimately it will be about absolute trust, absolute acceptance of self, love of self, compassion for self and allowing you to be the true and authentic you. Period.
See the steps, take the steps…
Become aware. Once you become aware it, you can never be unaware of it again. Until then, we recreate and repeat and play out our beliefs and issues over and over again.
See it in action. Watch for it. Notice when it plays out in your reality. It’s transferable. What you see in one relationship, you often see in other relationships or situations, from the present or the past.
Work with it. Explore it. Ask leading questions. See it from new perspectives. Use the tools available to you to support yourself. Get at the root cause, which may surprise you. The skills you learn as you go are also transferable.
Embody the wisdom. Don’t keep it alive. Glean the wisdom. Claim the gifts. And then let the issue go. The vicious cycle doesn’t need to continue.
Support as you go…
You may find you’d like support with this this deep work. If you’re up to the challenge and looking for a partner in your exploration, this is also a great time to hire a coach…like me. I am passionate about this kind of self-discovery and insight work and I honor your choice to take grander steps into you. Learn more about my practice here.
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Footer Image: Nina Warmerdam
So you’ve committed to doing the work…the work of you. Now what?
Many people in the self-help, self-improvement, feel-better movement focus only on what they promote as the result of change and transformation. Few, though, talk about what to expect when you are going through, doing the work of, change. Fewer still, talk about why those changes occur the way they do.
The experience of change and transformation is a unique one. As unique as you, unique as each of us. It is not formulaic. There are many paths, many books, many classes, and many teachers that all basically propose ending up at approximately the same place. That said, there are some common experiences.
I’m going to take a few posts to talk about the ones I’ve experienced and studied.
Any time you make a new choice, make a clear decision, not from the head, but from the heart and the passion, you are creating.
Important tangent: It’s a funny thing, but sometimes the reasons your fears and anxieties come to fruition, instead of those fluffy affirmations, is because there’s more “juice” behind the fear or anger or worry or even the momentum of a pattern that has years of cycling energy behind it. When people recite affirmations, for some (this may not be you), they’re trying to will or convince themselves of it. There’s not a lot of passion behind it. But the doubt or worry that sits just behind it, really gets your juices flowing. Nervous stomach, spinning monkey mind, shallow breathing, etc. You know the feeling. You’re charged up, juiced up, worried. There’s lots of fuel there.
Anyway, you make a clear choice. You’re inspired. It feels great! That delicious wave of passion, creativity and new insight is rushing toward you like a giant wave. Surging through you. It’s electric. There’s a smile on your face. You have a bit of a high from the rush of it. You feel as though you could conquer the world. Know this feeling?
You wake up the next day, or a few days later, and it feels as if it never happened. You ask yourself where that wonderful feeling of certainty and excitement went. Something has changed. Been there! Maybe you feel empty or like there’s a void. It’s been described as gray or flat. In the wake of this you may feel confused. You begin to question yourself. What’s happening? If you’re like me, for years, I erroneously concluded that I had done it wrong. I didn’t! You didn’t!
There are several moving parts to creating, which is what you’re actually doing when you make a choice. Whether you know it or not, you are ALWAYS creating your life. So, first, you as the powerful creator that you are, make a choice and set the creation in motion. All the energies, resources, people and timing begin to line up to support your creation. Then, everything that is not a match to your choice/creation must go. So they must deconstruct, dissolve, fall apart. (Your perspective will flavor how you describe it!)
A couple analogies to help you see it…
You can’t build a brand new building where an old outdated one still stands. It must come down. The old one no longer serves you and you’re ready to build a new one. So here comes the wrecking ball. BAM! CRASH! Down it goes. You could say it’s falling apart or you can say it’s being removed so the new one can be built. Your choice.
The garden analogy works, too. You can’t successfully grow a garden in a weedy, rocky field. You must first remove the rocks and pull the weeds; clear the space so that something new can be planted. Then you till the soil and add nutrients. Only now can seeds can be successfully planted and begin to grow and thrive.
A little more about the two extremes in feelings/experiences…
Friends and I have been studying the processes involved with creating and manifesting for years. We eventually began to see that there was this experience we would consistently have as we would be actively creating something new. I described it as being in brackish waters. Brackish water is the result from the mixing of seawater with fresh water, as in estuaries. It’s the place where both exist, simultaneously. In my experience with change and transformation, I feel it when both the old and the new are in my world at the same time. The old ways, structures, haven’t fully cleared or dissolved yet, and the new has begun to be manifested, but hasn’t fully taken hold. It’s still unfolding. If you don’t know that this is what is happening, it can feel unsettling. It’s where doubts can creep in. I still have to be reminded sometimes!
Big Picture…and little picture…
If you take a step back and look at current events through this lens, you can see it happening all over the world, too. Large systems are breaking down, faltering, coming apart at the seams and inspired new ideas coming forth in the wake of it. As, my friend, Barbara With speaks of in her powerful workshop called Conflict REVOLUTION, your experiences are happening to you in the microcosm, on a small scale, and in the macrocosm, the same thing is happening, but on a global scale. This consciousness of transformation is scalable. Which is why peace on Earth, is possible, one person at a time!
Next post I’ll talk more about what comes up for us when we make a change. I’ll focus on the emotional issues, which are often things from our past getting recreated as patterns. The issues reveal themselves so we can break the patterns, clear them out of our way and allow our grander creations to come forth.
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