As I sat down to write this morning, an old post from an old blog caught my attention. I’ve learned to pay attention to this experience of my intuition, no matter how subtle or small. Reading the post I had feelings that were simultaneously old and new. The words were familiar. My story was familiar. At the same time it was new, deeper, stronger.
This has been a common occurrence as I’ve walked into my awakening. It’s like descending a grand spiral staircase. You come back around to where you started but at a new level, a deeper level. As I read, it was so clear to me how much more I feel and embody the insight, the knowingness that I shared several years ago. With each passing day I become ever more the wisdom, the truth I AM. And really, what else is there to do?!
I AM Home
The other title I considered for this post…
Can you be sovereign while sleeping in a bunk bed under glow-in-the-dark stars?
My whole life I have had bouts of intense feelings of homesickness. As a child, I used to cry as I had to leave home and my mom and head off to school. As I recall it, I’d hug my mom, step off the porch, get to the end of the drive way and look back. I would be overwhelmed with a deep sense of longing and homesickness that I would tear up. It took everything I had not to turn and run back into the safety, warmth and familiarity of her embrace.
Somewhere in the awakening and discovery process, I came to realize the deep longing I have experienced for a lifetime was for a home I left long, long ago. My angelic home. My angelic family. Recently, though, life experiences help me to deepen that understanding even further.
Early this fall, I closed my shop and classroom on Main Street. It was called Hand with Seeds. I had created it as an expression of my soul’s passion. As I’ve shared, my passion is to help people remember who they truly are. To remember that they are sovereign creator beings. Divine AND human. While I knew that I would continue to express my soul’s passion in some way, I was unclear about how that would express itself going forward. Additionally, this transition meant leaving my apartment above the shop and moving in a with a friend. These were all choices. I was not a victim. And yet, transitions and living with the unknown can be a bit challenging.
So now I find myself at this dear and generous friend’s house, sharing it with her two sons. Her oldest son, who’s seven, agreed to give up his room and let me use it for a bit. I am so grateful. Each night, when I turn off the light the room lights up with glow-in-the-dark planets and stars. As I tuck in under the covers in the bunk bed, Duffy by my side, I look up to see a miniature night sky above me.
Most nights I do my deep conscious breathing and then let myself drift off to sleep. Sometimes, though, I notice doubt trying to creep in. You know those moments…the mind gets hold of something and it starts its spinning. These are such old habits and patterns from this lifetime and others. They may sound familiar to you…”Poor me. Why me? What will happen to me? What did I do to find myself in this small life without a place to call home (of my own)? What do people think of me? What do I do now? Can I get past this? I have no home.”
Looking at the facts of my situation, the mental version, I could feel “small”. I could have issues of unworthiness pop up their ugly, yet familiar little heads. But one night something very different emerged, something magical in this most unlikely moment in my life.
Deep in the night, I woke up. Even before I fully awoke, I was aware of deep feeling of peace. A comforting certainty. Slowly, as I became more awake, the voice that I know as my intuition began to whisper to me. “You are home. You are home.” As I felt into it, the realization washed over me. It wasn’t the home that I had gracefully landed that my intuition was referring to. It was me. I…am home. I am home. Home lives deep within me. Home…right here in me, around me, of me.
So why does it make sense for me to experience this now, in this most unlikely of moments? As my friend Carla always asks in moments like these, why is this the perfect timing? It seems to me, after careful consideration, that this is, indeed, the perfect time. It didn’t come as a result of anything outside of me. It came from within. I didn’t win the lottery and then feel secure. I wasn’t given a big house and then feel like I had a home. It came in the moment when it seems “logical” to panic and worry. It came when the facts would lead you to think there’s a problem, that something bad is happening. It didn’t come as a result of anything outside of me. It came from within. It came from all that have done to release and clear what no longer serve me, no longer suited who I truly am. It came from the wisdom I was willing to glean from life and experiences. It came from the focused determination to understand things in the New way. It came from me!
I AM Home.
And as the young lady said…there’s no place like home!
Photo found on Flikr: Sleeping Under the Stars by Ryan C Wright
Quote found on Pinterest